The U.K. Must Ban Pointy Knives, Says Church of England
When the human condition resists perfection through legislation, the answer always seems to be more—and stupider—laws.
Next it will be rocks and sticks.
Despite a host of legal restrictions on firearms and knives, not to mention a society that increasingly resembles a panopticon in the thoroughness of the surveillance to which it’s subjected, the U.K.’s crime rates remain stubbornly resistant to reduction. Last year, London’s murder rate briefly overtook that of New York City—a feat likely to be repeated as crime continues its decline in the U.S.—and the latest U.K. figures show an increase in violent crimes committed with both guns and knives.
So, do right-thinking Britons propose loosening the country’s tight rules regarding self-defense so that people can more easily deal with two-legged predators? Hell, no. Instead, they want to ban pointy knives. Yes, really—churchmen, physicians, judges, and lawmakers want to tightly restrict or completely outlaw the possession of knives with sharp ends.
The latest call for knife controls comes from the Church of England, the nation’s officially sponsored religious franchise.
“We the undersigned are professionals and community leaders from across the UK who call on Government to see the sale of pointed domestic kitchen knives as a thing of the past,” reads the not-a-parody open letter from the Diocese of Rochester, signed by church leaders, lawmakers, psychiatrists, academics, and the like. “Historically we needed a point on the end of our knife to pick up food because forks weren’t invented. Now we only need the point to open packets when we can’t be bothered to find the scissors.”
The September letter would be easier to laugh of if it weren’t signed by so many people who are in a position to turn it into law, widely reported as serious stuff indeed, and an echo of calls from elsewhere.
Just months ago, a Conservative member of Parliament made headlines when he took a different, but equally restrictive, approach to regulating sharp pieces of metal.
“Every knife sold in the UK should have a gps tracker fitted in the handle,” insisted Scott Mann. “It’s time we had a national database like we do with guns.”