{"id":29820,"date":"2020-01-21T20:23:35","date_gmt":"2020-01-22T02:23:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/milesfortis.com\/?p=29820"},"modified":"2020-01-21T20:23:35","modified_gmt":"2020-01-22T02:23:35","slug":"29820","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/?p=29820","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"https:\/\/babylonbee.com\/news\/after-senseless-murder-of-goliath-philistines-call-for-common-sense-sling-control\">After Senseless Murder Of Goliath, Philistines Call For Ban On Fully Automatic, High-Capacity Slings<\/a><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>VALLEY OF ELAH\u2014After local homegrown terrorist David slew Goliath with a fully automatic, high-capacity sling, Philistine activists began calling for common-sense bans on the dangerous weapons of mass destruction.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Nobody needs a sling that holds five rocks just to go hunting or protect their sheep,&#8221; said one Philistine woman with pink hair and several face piercings. &#8220;This tragedy could have been avoided if only David were forced to use one of the old bolt-action model slings.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Investigators believe the shepherd boy, radicalized by religious texts, built up an arsenal of approximately five hollow-point, armor-piercing rocks, &#8220;a deadly stockpile.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Can you imagine if he had opened fire in a crowded market or around the village well?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Many Philistines offered &#8220;thoughts and prayers&#8221; to Dagon, but activists continue to insist &#8220;your thoughts and prayers are not enough.&#8221;<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After Senseless Murder Of Goliath, Philistines Call For Ban On Fully Automatic, High-Capacity Slings VALLEY OF ELAH\u2014After local homegrown terrorist David slew Goliath with a fully automatic, high-capacity sling, Philistine activists began calling for common-sense bans on the dangerous weapons of mass destruction. &#8220;Nobody needs a sling that holds five rocks just to go hunting &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/?p=29820\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-29820","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rkba"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29820","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=29820"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29820\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":29821,"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29820\/revisions\/29821"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=29820"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=29820"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/milesfortis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=29820"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}