Category: Comic Relief O’ The Day

Biden Administration Declares Trump Cabinet Picks ‘Unqualified’

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U.S. — The party responsible for appointing a Transportation Secretary whose only relevant experience was an apparent love of for toy trains has declared Trump’s cabinet picks “unqualified.”

The Democratic Party, fresh off appointing a dude who wears dresses as a health minister, a guy who steals women’s luggage as nuclear weapons officer, and a Joker-costume-wearing lesbian who can’t answer questions as Press Secretary, felt that Trump’s choices did not have the proper credentials for their jobs.

“President-Elect Trump has beclowned himself with these appointments,” said Senator Elizabeth Warren, handing her makeup bag to Admiral Levine. “These are serious roles with real responsibilities. We need the absolute best, and — hey, has anyone seen my luggage?”

Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy asked if the White House had any official statement about Trump’s selections, to which Karine-Jean Pierre screamed, “I’m gay” and ran out of the room sobbing.

At publishing time, the people responsible for Afghani civilians hanging on to a cargo plane’s wheel well stated that Trump’s choice for Secretary of Defense was incompetent.

The Babylon Bee hits another homer

NASA Baffled At How Elon Managed To Succeed Without As Many Gay Non-Binary Muslim Dwarfs Of Color As They Have

HOUSTON, TX — As the world still celebrated the astonishing accomplishment of SpaceX catching its returning Starship, NASA officials were baffled at how Elon Musk managed to succeed without as many gay non-binary Muslim dwarfs of color as they have.

SpaceX’s historic achievement occurred despite not making diversity and inclusion its top priority, leaving NASA in awe that such a feat could be pulled off without the mandated involvement of underrepresented people groups.

“Not a single transgender dwarf of color on the team! How does this guy do it?” one high-ranking NASA official marveled. “We devote all of our time and spend billions upon billions of dollars to put together the most intersectional and diverse team, but we can’t even come close to the stuff Musk is pulling off at SpaceX. They caught a rocket, for crying out loud! And they didn’t have any non-binary Hindu furries working on the project! How is that possible?”

Decision-makers at NASA reportedly held emergency closed-door meetings this week to discuss the widening gap between their work and the things being done at SpaceX. “It doesn’t matter what we do, he just keeps pulling further ahead,” a NASA insider said. “We’re going to keep trying to incorporate more diversity, equity, and inclusion to everything we do, but it’s like this guy has cracked some code where he just puts the most brilliant and qualified minds to work on his projects. That sounds crazy, but I guess it’s working out for them.”

At publishing time, NASA sources still expressed skepticism that Musk would be able to successfully land a human being on Mars without the help of any gender-fluid atheist amputees of mixed racial descent.