As many of you likely have noticed, most Democrats are still in complete denial as to the reasons behind their crushing landslide defeat on November 5th.
As a public service, I thought I would put a clothespin on my nose and descend into the stench of their post-election miasma of broken promises, SSRI-induced delusion, pumpkin spice micro-brew vomit and spoiled gender-swap hormones to bring back from this 90th Circle of George Clooney Hell the Top Ten reasons why Democrats believe they lost the election.
Here they are:
1. America is racist.
2. America is not ready for a female President.
3. Kamala was too intelligent and articulate for those knuckle-dragging, uneducated MAGAs to comprehend. Redneck bastards. Plus Tim is a masculine coach war hero, they need to STFU (*sobs*).
4. Everybody uses pronouns, what’s wrong with calling myself Xi/Xir/Xirena Empress of the Furries? (See YOU just used a pronoun responding to me! MAGA filth.)
5. There are no such things as woke or cancel culture, and if you disagree with me I’ll mount a social media campaign to have you fired from your job and your children repossessed by the government.
6. Eggs have always cost $23.99 a dozen, and the economy is doing great thanks to Joe and Kamala, it’s just that Drumpf lies.
7. Republicans control the news media, which leans way too far to the Right. If only we had some progressive news sources.
8. It was those colonizer Israelis and The Jooz™. And Russia. Russia Russia Russia Russia Russia Putin Russia Russia Putin Putin.
9. The border has never been more secure you fascist liars. If only my laptop had not been stolen by undocumented refugees I could have gotten the word out.
10. Elon and The Spiders From Mars evaporated fifteen million Kamala voters with their AI black magic. Let’s storm the Capitol on January 6th.
The best part about all of these is that the Dems have almost no idea that it is these very beliefs that cost them the election. Please don’t repost this message so they never learn about it.
Thank you.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled MAGA programming of peace, liberty and prosperity.