Category: You Can’t Make This Up

SCOTUS heard oral arguments today in the ATF bump stock ban case

SCOTUS Justice Jackson Just Said the Dumbest Thing About Guns and I Can’t Stop Laughing.

Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson must have fallen asleep last night watching a vintage ’80s Chuck Norris movie as part of her preparation to hear oral arguments today in the Garland v. Cargill bumpstock ban lawsuit because her understanding of firearms is even less realistic than your typical Cannon Films production.

While I don’t have the transcript yet for you — arguments are going on as I write this column — the Firearms Policy Coalition has been doing the good work of posting highlights to Twitter/X.

(Don’t miss the update below from the official transcript)

When it was time for the Biden Department of Justice to present its side to the Court, Justice Clarence Thomas asked what happens, according to the FPC, “with the trigger in a bump stocked rifle vs a full-auto rifle.”

Please don’t wet yourself laughing when you read the government’s response.

My 14-year-old self, forever trapped in 1983, would have just one thing to say to a rifle that would let me fire 600 rounds a second: “BITCHIN’!”

Justice Jackson, with images of Chuck Norris killing an entire battalion of Vietnamese soldiers with a single magazine in “Missing in Action 2: The Beginning” still fresh in her mind must have thought, “600 rounds? I raise you 200 rounds to 800 — each and every second.”

ASIDE: Every time I read the words “Justice Jackson” I can’t help but think that’s what Action Jackson went into after he retired from the force.

Anyway, this was Jackson’s contribution to the discussion.

I dunno, maybe she wasn’t paying full attention and misheard the government’s ridiculous claim.

I’m not singling out Justice Jackson for any special mocking here — just the regular amount. Jackson was speaking off the cuff, and everybody makes mistakes doing that. While it’s extra unbecoming for a Justice of the Supreme Court to demonstrate such laughable ignorance about a case she’s supposed to be hearing with her own ears, the government took its time to prepare its case — they wrote stuff down and everything — and still managed to come up with 600 rounds per second.

Some days I wish firearms could do all the things that gun-grabbers claim they can do.

Do I really want an AR-15 that can fire 800 rounds per second? I mean, assuming I could find a magazine with that kind of capacity? No, obviously. The barrel would melt, the bullets would spray all over the place, and I’m having trouble imagining what would happen when 800 brass cartridges go flying out all over the range in a single second.

That one second would also put a serious dent in my .223 stash.

Still… what a glorious second that would be.

UPDATE: SCOTUS did a great job of getting the transcript posted, so I found the relevant bits for you.

MR. FLETCHER: [speaking to Chief Justice Roberts] What you are doing is just pushing forward. Now, if you look at the videos that we cite in Footnote 1 of our reply brief, some of them are in slow motion, and they show that when the shooter is doing this, the hand is moving back and forth very fast, 600 times a second. That’s not happening because the shooter is able to move their hand back and forth 600 — or, I’m sorry, 600 times a minute.

So the Firearms Policy Coalition got the first part right but then missed the correction. Easy to do while essentially liveblogging — I should know. Still, 600 rounds per minute is only slightly less impossible than 600 rounds per second. Even if under some extreme circumstances a bumpstock-enhanced cyborg were able to fire that quickly, a semi-automatic rifle wouldn’t stand up to the strain — and where would the rounds come from?

And here’s Justice Jackson: “And when, you know, ‘function’ is defined, it’s really not about the operation of the thing. It’s about what it can achieve, what it’s being used for. So I see Congress as putting function in this. The function of this trigger is to cause this kind of damage, 800 rounds a second or whatever.”

I think “or whatever” pretty well sums up Jackson’s interest in learning about firearms.

 

WATCH: Biden Says ‘I Wanna Get This Quote Exactly Right’ Before Hilariously Failing

“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is,” said Vice President Dan Quayle more than 30 years ago, mangling the United Negro College Fund’s classic slogan, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

Quayle’s mistake was all over the news, the late-night talk shows, and whatever stupid place people used to go to before we had Twitter/X.

With that in mind, assuming we haven’t all lost ours, let us dig into the latest word salad from Presidentish Joe Biden, lovingly tossed and dressed with generous portions of Hidden Memory Ranch Dressing.

“Standing here in front of this portrait [Abraham Lincoln] of the man behind me,” because that’s how being in front of things works, “he, uh, he said — and I want to make sure I get the quote exactly right…”

If you aren’t already thinking that this is when Biden completely mangled the quote he was trying so hard to get exactly right, then I don’t think we can be friends any longer.

Biden continued, reading from his prepared notes, “He said, the better angel, he said, we must address the council and adjust the better angels of our nature. ”

When the better angel of your nature is in need of an adjustment, please take it to see a licensed chiropractor. I’m not sure what Biden meant about addressing the council in this context, but since he graduated ahead of the valedictorian in his top-tier Super Brain Law School class at Syracuse University, I’ll defer to his greater knowledge about such legal matters.

I would like to reiterate before we get to this next part that Biden was reading from note cards.

“And we do, and we do well to remember what else he said,” the alleged current president continued. “He said we’re not enemies but we’re friends. It’s in the middle, in the, in the middle part of the Civil War.”

Lincoln’s words — not Biden’s 40-grit sandpaper approximation of them — were delivered at his first inaugural in March of 1861, about five weeks before the first battle of the Civil War was fought at Fort Sumter. But whatever. Biden means well, except when he’s calling half of the country election-denying white supremacists bent on destroying our democracy.

“He said,” Biden repeating himself and still not mentioning Lincoln by name, “we’re not enemies, we’re friend [sic]. We must not be enemies.”

“We’ve gotten, politics has gotten too bitter,” he concluded for the benefit of you knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, MAGA extremists.

What Biden had meant to say, of course, was this — or at least the first and last parts:

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies.
Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

Lincoln, unlike our current Super Mind Brain POTUS, was an actual genius — and even a poet.

If you think I’ve exaggerated anything Biden said, watch the clip for yourself. Watching it is worse than reading it because, except for a well-delivered flash of humor at the end, my transcript doesn’t show you how weak and confused Biden sounded.

For the record, I’m not laughing at an old man’s misfortune — I’m laughing at ours.

You have to figure that these are the best takes they could get out of him. And they even added captions to cover for his slurring words.

Gun Control and Government Corruption Collide in Chicago Suburb

Police in Dolton, Illinois could soon be walking their beat instead of cruising the streets of the Chicago suburb after a bank moved to repossess much of the police department’s fleet of vehicles for non-payment. According to KS StateBank, the village is behind on its payments to the tune of $76,000, and the bank has been unable to reach anyone at City Hall who could rectify the problem.

Burt Odelson, the legislative counsel for the Village of Dolton Board of Trustees, says the board authorized the payments last May, and he and others are pinning the blame for the snafu on Dolton’s anti-gun mayor Tiffany Henyard.

As questions over unpaid bills have come to light in recent months, WGN Investigates previously uncovered exorbitant spending on lavish trips and experiences by Henyard, which included a trip to Las Vegas that cost more than $12,000 and fell in the same month the loan payment on the village vehicles was due.

… Village of Dolton trustees have gone head-to-head with Henyard at village meetings, calling for transparency, so residents know where taxpayer dollars are going.

“The residents of Dolton deserve to know how the money is being spent,” trustee Brittney Norwood told WGN-TV Thursday.

The board of trustees is in charge of overseeing finances, but some said Henyard has restricted them from access to village financial records, leaving them mostly in the dark. On top of that, several trustees told WGN News Thursday they recently heard from several vendors who claimed they were hired by the mayor for work and never paid for their services. The village is in millions in debt, and did not approve of those expenses, Norwood told WGN.

There’ve been questions about Henyard’s spending for years now. Back in 2021, Second Amendment advocate John Boch detailed that the mayor of the village was doling out hundreds of thousands of dollars annually for a team of officers to serve as her personal security detail, even as she was calling on lawmakers to pass more gun control laws that would make it harder for Dolton residents to protect themselves. The three officers, which accounted for almost 1/10th of the entire police force, cost taxpayers about $100,000 a year each, even though they were tasked almost exclusively with shadowing the small-town mayor.

To put that into perspective, that’s the same number of bodyguards that protect Birmingham, Alabama’s mayor but that city has almost ten times the population of Dolton.

At the same time, Mayor Henyard’s armed personal security detail affords her far more protection than the residents of her city enjoy. One of her first acts after taking office involved organizing an “anti-violence” march. She was joined at that march by anti-gun activist and accused pedophile Father Michael Pfleger.

Henyard was actually recalled by residents in 2022, but the recall election was ruled invalid by state courts and she’s remained in office ever since. With the next mayoral election not scheduled until 2025, there’s no telling how much of a financial hole the village will find itself between now and next November, but it sounds like it’s a distinct possibility that the Dolton Police Department is going to be crippled by the repossession of much of its fleet. I’m guessing that Henyard will ensure that there’s still money to pay for her team of bodyguards or hire convicted child sex offenders for positions that require them to enter residents’ homes, but everyone else who lives in the village is going to be impacted by the financial mismanagement at City Hall.

It’s pretty clear given her anti-gun activism that Henyard doesn’t want those folks to be able to protect themselves with a firearm, and based on the complaints from the trustees and their attorneys it might not be long before Dolton PD isn’t in a position to serve and protect the community at large either. What are they supposed to do to keep themselves and their families safe? I guess the obvious answer is “run for mayor”, since it sounds like Henyard is the one person in Dolton who’s guaranteed to be protected by armed individuals who are still legally allowed to purchase and possess so-called assault weapons and large capacity magazines for the mayor’s defense.

I don’t think that moron has the intellectual capacity to realize that his idea is a 2-Way street and The Purge was a movie franchise.

Black Activist Lawyer’s Idea to Stop Crime: Just Legalize Crime

 

Rantz: Seattle English students told it’s ‘white supremacy’ to love reading, writing

Students in a Seattle English class were told that their love of reading and writing is a characteristic of “white supremacy,” in the latest Seattle Public Schools high school controversy. The lesson plan has one local father speaking out, calling it “educational malpractice.”

As part of the Black Lives Matter at School Week, World Literature and Composition students at Lincoln High School were given a handout with definitions of the “9 characteristics of white supremacy,” according to the father of a student. Given the subject matter of the class, the father found it odd this particular lesson was brought up.

The Seattle high schoolers were told that “Worship of the Written Word” is white supremacy because it is “an erasure of the wide range of ways we communicate with each other.” By this definition, the very subject of World Literature and Composition is racist. It also chides the idea that we hyper-value written communication because it’s a form of “honoring only what is written and even then only what is written to a narrow standard, full of misinformation and lies.” The worksheet does not provide any context for what it actually means.

“I feel bad for any students who actually internalize stuff like this as it is setting them up for failure,” the father explained to the Jason Rantz Show on KTTH.

Everything is ‘white supremacy’ at Seattle Public Schools

The father asked to remain anonymous for fear of retribution against his child by Seattle Public Schools. He said the other pieces of the worksheet were equally disturbing.

Continue reading “”

How Biden Allowed Iran to Save Its Terror-Supporting Officers in Syria

Following the deadly Iran-backed attack on American troops in Jordan on January 28, President Biden and his Pentagon brass pledged a “multi-tier” response for the brazen assault that killed three U.S. service members.

The retributive strikes saw at least one senior leader of Kata’ib Hezbollah — one of the handful of Iran-backed terrorist organizations that have been coordinating scores of attacks on U.S. troops in the Middle East since October — in Baghdad, but there was a notable lack of punishment for the source of all the chaos in the region: the regime in Tehran. It appears that was by Biden’s design.

Instead of acting swiftly and decisively, however, the administration telegraphed its considerations and likely targets for days on end. Waiting until after the fallen heroes had returned to the United States for a dignified transfer in Dover, Delaware, the Biden administration finally began launching strikes in the region.

According to reporting from the Financial Times, “Iran pulled senior commanders of its Revolutionary Guard out of Syria days before the US launched strikes against Iranian-linked targets in the Arab state to prevent the elite force suffering further casualties.” Conveniently, the IRGC “officers had left Syria by the time Washington launched air strikes five days” after Biden promised to launch a response to the attack that killed U.S. troops.

Reminding that the Biden administration said it “directly targeted Revolutionary Guard facilities in Syria,” that means the agents of Tehran operating in support of Iran’s terror proxies were able to get away, thanks to Biden’s delays and ample warnings.

As Joe Truzman, senior research analyst at the Foundation for Defense of Democracies (FDD), noted, Iran saving its officers’ hide was “exactly what the Biden administration intended” to happen.

Even worse — and proving that Biden’s strikes in response to the killing of U.S. Army Sgts. Kennedy Sanders, William Rivers, and Breonna Moffett won’t prevent future attacks on American troops — is this nugget, also reported by the Financial Times.

Iranian officials, calling the decision to withdraw IRGC commanders merely a “change in tactics,” received notice from the U.S. “through indirect channels that it did not seek a conflict with Iran.”

That is, after Iranian patronage to terrorist organizations saw more than 170 attacks launched at U.S. troops in Iraq, Syria, and Jordan and took the lives of three American service members, the U.S. told Tehran we didn’t seek a conflict.

That also means, as an “Iranian analyst affiliated to the Islamic regime” told the Financial Times, “[o]nce there is relative calm, these forces will return to Syria.” And Tehran’s support of terrorist proxies in the region will resume at full strength.

I want to know how this scheme detects ‘when someone has bad intent‘, which is a state of mind. That sounds completely illogical, which, coming from the gun controllers is par for them.

Proposed bill would establish a new code to categorize firearm sales

DENVER (KDVR) — A new bill aimed at curbing gun violence is making some headway in the state.

SB24-066 would establish a new code, known as Merchant Category Codes, to categorize firearm sales.

MCCs are four-digit numbers that identify the type of business involved in a transaction such as grocery stores, department stores, etc. This proposed legislation would require payment card networks like Visa or Mastercard to provide a specific code for businesses that sell firearms and ammunition.

Supporters claim this would help banks and credit cards recognize dangerous firearm purchasing patterns to alert law enforcement while those in opposition are calling it a backdoor form of registration.

“Really what it is, is just a four-digit code that bolts onto an existing system that banks and credit card companies use to protect themselves from illicit activity and when it comes to gun crime, that has the benefit of keeping us safe,” Hudson Munoz said.

Munoz, executive director of Guns Down America, is a supporter of the bill. He said these codes already help banks and card companies with fraud detection and assessing risk.

“Let’s inhibit criminal behavior a little bit by assigning the code to gun and ammunition stores so that when someone has bad intent when buying a weapon, there’s an alert in place that stops that from happening,” Munoz said.

13, THIRTEEN cuts in a 48, FORTY EIGHT second video with the longest cut of him speaking being only 11 ELEVEN seconds long. He’s still got several where he’s slurring his words, so just how many times did they have to have him repeat each time they had to cut, to be able to splice together that load of crap-for-brains?

 

Did You Notice What’s Missing in Jill Biden’s Statement on the Hur Report?

Team Biden’s handling of the Hur report has not gone well. Someone either decided Joe Biden should address the nation in a speech and to answer questions after his bedtime, or failed to convince Biden not to. Experts on both sides of the aisle are panning Biden’s evening speech as not being helpful to his cause, and they’re right.

Now, the Biden campaign is literally trying to fundraise off of “outrage” over the report. The campaign sent out an email Saturday night with a statement from Jill Biden.

Generally speaking, there is nothing new in this statement we haven’t already heard—except for the fact that it includes a detail Joe Biden apparently couldn’t recall: when his son Beau died.

“I hope you can imagine how it felt to read that attack — not just as Joe’s wife, but as Beau’s mother,” the fundraising pitch began. “I don’t know what this Special Counsel was trying to achieve. We should give everyone grace, and I can’t imagine someone would use our son’s death to score political points. If you’ve experienced a loss like that, you don’t measure it in years, you measure it in grief.”

I suspect that whoever wrote this pitch for Jill Biden didn’t know that Jill Biden wasn’t actually Beau Biden’s mother.

But I digress—the report wasn’t an attack. Legally, it was a gift, and Biden and his team have been regularly cherry-picking select quotes to support the claim that he did nothing wrong—even though that’s not what the report actually said. Biden and his team are trying to contain the political fallout of the investigation’s assessment of Biden’s cognitive decline. This isn’t attacking Joe, or Beau. As Hans von Spakovsky, a former federal election commissioner and senior legal fellow at the Heritage Foundation, explained, “An explanation of Hur’s findings on the president’s mental condition was necessary to explain why he is not recommending prosecution.”

The pitch continued:

May 30th is a day forever etched on our hearts. It shattered me, it shattered our family.

So many of you know that feeling after you lose a loved one, where you feel like you can’t get off the floor. What helped me, and what helped Joe, was to find purpose. That’s what keeps Joe going, serving you and the country we love.

Joe is 81, that’s true, but he’s 81 doing more in an hour than most people do in a day. Joe has wisdom, empathy and vision. He has delivered on so many of his promises as President precisely because he’s learned a lot in those 81 years. His age, with his experience and expertise, is an incredible asset and he proves it every day.

What really sticks out about this pitch is that there isn’t a denial of anything in the report. It doesn’t dispute that Joe couldn’t remember when he was vice president or when his son died. In fact, it almost reads like an excuse letter by reiterating the debilitating loss of a loved one, and then by insisting that he does “more an hour than most people do in a day,” as if to suggest that we need to give him some slack because he works so hard. Now, I wouldn’t doubt that Biden takes more vacations in a year than most Americans do in a lifetime, but that’s not the same thing.

We know this because we see it.

We see Biden has the schedule of someone who is taking it easy, and is staying out of sight as much as he can get away with. But, not once in the pitch does Jill even attempt to dispute the report by saying Joe Biden is sharp or has a great memory. If she did, there’d be no reason not to charge him.