Category: Crap For Brains

WATCH: Biden Says ‘I Wanna Get This Quote Exactly Right’ Before Hilariously Failing

“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is,” said Vice President Dan Quayle more than 30 years ago, mangling the United Negro College Fund’s classic slogan, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”

Quayle’s mistake was all over the news, the late-night talk shows, and whatever stupid place people used to go to before we had Twitter/X.

With that in mind, assuming we haven’t all lost ours, let us dig into the latest word salad from Presidentish Joe Biden, lovingly tossed and dressed with generous portions of Hidden Memory Ranch Dressing.

“Standing here in front of this portrait [Abraham Lincoln] of the man behind me,” because that’s how being in front of things works, “he, uh, he said — and I want to make sure I get the quote exactly right…”

If you aren’t already thinking that this is when Biden completely mangled the quote he was trying so hard to get exactly right, then I don’t think we can be friends any longer.

Biden continued, reading from his prepared notes, “He said, the better angel, he said, we must address the council and adjust the better angels of our nature. ”

When the better angel of your nature is in need of an adjustment, please take it to see a licensed chiropractor. I’m not sure what Biden meant about addressing the council in this context, but since he graduated ahead of the valedictorian in his top-tier Super Brain Law School class at Syracuse University, I’ll defer to his greater knowledge about such legal matters.

I would like to reiterate before we get to this next part that Biden was reading from note cards.

“And we do, and we do well to remember what else he said,” the alleged current president continued. “He said we’re not enemies but we’re friends. It’s in the middle, in the, in the middle part of the Civil War.”

Lincoln’s words — not Biden’s 40-grit sandpaper approximation of them — were delivered at his first inaugural in March of 1861, about five weeks before the first battle of the Civil War was fought at Fort Sumter. But whatever. Biden means well, except when he’s calling half of the country election-denying white supremacists bent on destroying our democracy.

“He said,” Biden repeating himself and still not mentioning Lincoln by name, “we’re not enemies, we’re friend [sic]. We must not be enemies.”

“We’ve gotten, politics has gotten too bitter,” he concluded for the benefit of you knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, MAGA extremists.

What Biden had meant to say, of course, was this — or at least the first and last parts:

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies.
Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

Lincoln, unlike our current Super Mind Brain POTUS, was an actual genius — and even a poet.

If you think I’ve exaggerated anything Biden said, watch the clip for yourself. Watching it is worse than reading it because, except for a well-delivered flash of humor at the end, my transcript doesn’t show you how weak and confused Biden sounded.

For the record, I’m not laughing at an old man’s misfortune — I’m laughing at ours.

Joe Biden Tries to Give a Massive Gift to Hamas, Israel Tells Him to Pound Sand

When conservatives were telling Democrats to “back the blue,” I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean like this. According to a new report, the Biden administration is demanding that Israel stop targeting the Hamas-controlled police forces in Gaza.

That comes as Israel continues its push into the southern part of the territory where the remnants of Hamas remain. It also comes amidst reports (including video evidence) of these “police forces” shooting civilians to facilitate the stealing of aid for the terrorists holed up there.

The Biden administration asked Israel to stop targeting members of the Hamas-run civilian police force who escort aid trucks in Gaza, warning that a “total breakdown of law and order” is significantly exacerbating the humanitarian crisis in the enclave, three U.S. and Israeli officials told Axios.

Why it matters: U.S. officials say they are increasingly concerned “that Gaza is turning into Mogadishu” as a security vacuum and desperation have opened the door for armed gangs to attack and loot aid trucks, putting even more pressure on the Strip’s already strained humanitarian system.

In late December, a video emerged of a Hamas police officer shooting and killing a young boy for trying to take food from one of the aid trucks. Since then, numerous reports have emerged of civilians being shot while the trucks are escorted through starving crowds. Little if no international condemnation has followed the incidents, and apparently, Joe Biden is just fine with it.

This is akin to the Allied Powers in World War II being commanded to not kill members of the Gestapo to ensure they can “maintain order.” There is no actual “civilian police force” in Gaza. They are all supportive of Hamas. They all commit and/or allow atrocities against innocent people, and they are all facilitating the theft of aid that is only prolonging the war.

So naturally, Biden is all for doing what it takes to knee-cap Israel and help keep that status quo in place. We are talking about the worst foreign policy mind in American political history when considering the breadth of time his penchant for failure has presided over. If there’s a bad decision to be made, Biden is going to be there to make it.

Frankly, I’m a little tired of hearing about the “humanitarian crisis” in Gaza sans any context, as if it gets solved by leaving Hamas in power. This can all end tomorrow if the terrorist government simply agrees to go into exile and lets some kind of coalition demilitarize the territory. That’s the way to help the people in Rafah right now. The way to not help them is to preserve the “police force” that is helping exacerbate their situation.

Smartly, Israel told Biden to pound sand.

But Israel rebuffed the request because one of its goals in the war is to ensure that Hamas no longer runs Gaza, two Israeli officials said.

Israel is also looking to cooperate with those in Gaza who oppose Hamas to facilitate aid instead of relying on the very terrorists they are fighting to deliver it. That would seem like a common sense approach given the entire point of the war is to depose Hamas. Perhaps that’s too complicated for the Biden administration to understand.

Any “solution” to the war in Gaza that doesn’t include the complete removal of Hamas as a governing force is not a solution. It’s simply a massive gift to terrorists who will inevitably strike again, leading to yet another war and yet more death and destruction. The United States, Europe, and the dictators at the UN can either figure that out or get out of the way.

VIDEO: Biden Whacks His Least Vulnerable Spot on Marine One

In the latest video that the White House doesn’t want you to see, Presidentish Joe Biden is seen Monday walking it off after banging his head on the doorway of his Marine One personal transport helicopter.

It isn’t a big deal, I swear, and it’s been my job for more than 20 years now to gleefully mock the foibles and pitfalls of the rich and powerful. That goes double for figures like Biden, who grew rich without ever having created any goods or provided any valuable services in the private sector and who grew powerful despite a political career defined by lies, gaffes, and cheap demagoguery than any accomplishments.

So let’s watch the clip anyway before we get to the good stuff.

That’s not even gonna leave a mark. “Why then,” I can hear you ask through the magic of internet-enhanced telepathy, “are we watching a video of the president lightly bonking his skull on the door of Marine One?”

The first reason is because it fits the narrative of Biden being old and increasingly clumsy. It seems like Biden hadn’t even been in office for two months [Steve, Biden hadn’t been in office for even two months —editor] when he tripped up the stairs of Air Force One not once but three times in one, ah, trip.

A bon voyage, that was not.

Since then, Biden has fallen repeatedly, he wanders around looking lost after delivering remarks (usually poorly), and he tries to shake hands with people who aren’t there.

The second reason is so schadenfreudelicious that it’s smothered in a red wine cream sauce lightly seasoned with two dashes of evil laughter.

Unlike the alleged President of the United States being unable to peg the death of his eldest son to within a range of years, you and I probably remember last week pretty clearly — or at least the highlights.

One of those highlights — if that’s the correct word — was the release of the just-alluded-to report on Biden’s mishandling of classified documents. Special Counsel Robert K. Hur found, in part, that it was pointless to try and prosecute Biden because a jury would be too sympathetic to convict a “well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.”

The report was so damning that the White House decided that changing Hur’s narrative was worth the risk of putting Biden out in front of reporters, where he proceeded to present himself as an angry, elderly man with a poor memory.

Narrative un-reset, the White House decided to go to Twitter and lean hard on Dark Biden memes. They even got Biden to sign up for a TikTok account — despite the well-known security risks — because TikTok is where all the young hepcats hang out these days.

Some improvement, eh?

Every time the White House tries to change the narrative that Biden is an increasingly senescent elderly man with a growing temper, he goes out and does something that makes him look like an increasingly senescent elderly man with a growing temper. Because that’s what he is.

Age gets to all of us if we’re lucky enough to live that long. But only 45 men have ever served as President, none have been as old as Joe Biden, and the only one who was more frail was Woodrow Wilson — after Wilson suffered a completely debilitating stroke.

I spend my workdays wondering if that’s more sad than frightening or the other way around.

I want to know how this scheme detects ‘when someone has bad intent‘, which is a state of mind. That sounds completely illogical, which, coming from the gun controllers is par for them.

Proposed bill would establish a new code to categorize firearm sales

DENVER (KDVR) — A new bill aimed at curbing gun violence is making some headway in the state.

SB24-066 would establish a new code, known as Merchant Category Codes, to categorize firearm sales.

MCCs are four-digit numbers that identify the type of business involved in a transaction such as grocery stores, department stores, etc. This proposed legislation would require payment card networks like Visa or Mastercard to provide a specific code for businesses that sell firearms and ammunition.

Supporters claim this would help banks and credit cards recognize dangerous firearm purchasing patterns to alert law enforcement while those in opposition are calling it a backdoor form of registration.

“Really what it is, is just a four-digit code that bolts onto an existing system that banks and credit card companies use to protect themselves from illicit activity and when it comes to gun crime, that has the benefit of keeping us safe,” Hudson Munoz said.

Munoz, executive director of Guns Down America, is a supporter of the bill. He said these codes already help banks and card companies with fraud detection and assessing risk.

“Let’s inhibit criminal behavior a little bit by assigning the code to gun and ammunition stores so that when someone has bad intent when buying a weapon, there’s an alert in place that stops that from happening,” Munoz said.

Time for consequences.

The “Cabal” who bragged about rigging the 2020 election stuck us with an incapable president at a time of crisis. Examples need to be made.

The bloom is off the Biden presidency.

In 2020, we were told that he would bring about a return to normalcy.  Bring America respect abroad.  Calm down our “chaotic” domestic political scene.  And make government respectable again.

How’s he doing?  Well, let’s review some headlines from this weekend’s New York Times, normally a reliable booster of Democratic presidents, good, bad, or indifferent.

“The Challenges of an Aging President.”

“Mr. President, Ditch the Stealth About Health.”

“The Question Is Not If Biden Should Step Aside.  It’s How.”

This isn’t news to Americans, of course.  As an ABC News poll,  also out this weekend, illustrated, an overwhelming majority of Americans think that Biden is too old for another term.

The bloom is off the Biden presidency.

(This is an official White House photo. It’s supposed to make Biden look good. It’s the best they can do now.)

Last week’s Special Counsel report over Biden’s mishandling of classified documents basically found the same thing.  While the Special Counsel recommended that Biden not be prosecuted for what seemed like clear violations of the law governing secret papers, the reason for his recommendation was that Biden is too old and out of it to be put on trial.

Biden didn’t help himself when he turned down the traditional Super Bowl interview, presumably – as James Carville helpfully pointed out – because that would have called attention to his inability to string two sentences together coherently.  Carville called it a “sign” that Biden’s own administration doesn’t have confidence in him.

And Hillary Clinton even twisted the knife, calling Biden’s age a “legitimate issue.”

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The week Biden lost the New York Times: Liberal paper’s Editorial Board unleashes astonishing broadside warning of ‘a dark moment’ as it runs back-to-back opinion pieces knifing the elderly president after damning special counsel report.

Joe Biden is incapable of assuring voters he can handle another presidential term, his team has ‘no plan’ on how to deal with his senile behavior, and he should simply ‘not be running for re-election,’ according to New York Times authors.

Anxieties from the liberal Times’ Editorial Board and opinion writers show how worried they are that ailing Biden may not be able to beat ‘bad man’ Donald Trump this year.

The back-to-back opinion pieces knifing the elderly president, 81, over the weekend comes after a Justice Department report ripped into his handling of classified documents and portrayed him as a forgetful old man.

The 388-page report by Special Counsel Robert Hur confirmed he would not be charged – but it said that was because a jury would probably conclude he had ‘diminished faculties’ and was a ‘well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.’

Biden’s lack of enthusiasm on the campaign trail, coupled with his doddering public appearances and ‘crotchety grandpa’ attitude, are huge concerns during this ‘dark time’ in his presidential tenure, according to the left-leaning broadsheet paper.

‘He needs to do more to show the public that he is fully capable of holding office until age 86,’ the Times board stated on Sunday.

The back-to-back opinion pieces knifing the elderly president, 81, comes after a Justice Department report into his handling of classified documents was released

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13, THIRTEEN cuts in a 48, FORTY EIGHT second video with the longest cut of him speaking being only 11 ELEVEN seconds long. He’s still got several where he’s slurring his words, so just how many times did they have to have him repeat each time they had to cut, to be able to splice together that load of crap-for-brains?

 

Did You Notice What’s Missing in Jill Biden’s Statement on the Hur Report?

Team Biden’s handling of the Hur report has not gone well. Someone either decided Joe Biden should address the nation in a speech and to answer questions after his bedtime, or failed to convince Biden not to. Experts on both sides of the aisle are panning Biden’s evening speech as not being helpful to his cause, and they’re right.

Now, the Biden campaign is literally trying to fundraise off of “outrage” over the report. The campaign sent out an email Saturday night with a statement from Jill Biden.

Generally speaking, there is nothing new in this statement we haven’t already heard—except for the fact that it includes a detail Joe Biden apparently couldn’t recall: when his son Beau died.

“I hope you can imagine how it felt to read that attack — not just as Joe’s wife, but as Beau’s mother,” the fundraising pitch began. “I don’t know what this Special Counsel was trying to achieve. We should give everyone grace, and I can’t imagine someone would use our son’s death to score political points. If you’ve experienced a loss like that, you don’t measure it in years, you measure it in grief.”

I suspect that whoever wrote this pitch for Jill Biden didn’t know that Jill Biden wasn’t actually Beau Biden’s mother.

But I digress—the report wasn’t an attack. Legally, it was a gift, and Biden and his team have been regularly cherry-picking select quotes to support the claim that he did nothing wrong—even though that’s not what the report actually said. Biden and his team are trying to contain the political fallout of the investigation’s assessment of Biden’s cognitive decline. This isn’t attacking Joe, or Beau. As Hans von Spakovsky, a former federal election commissioner and senior legal fellow at the Heritage Foundation, explained, “An explanation of Hur’s findings on the president’s mental condition was necessary to explain why he is not recommending prosecution.”

The pitch continued:

May 30th is a day forever etched on our hearts. It shattered me, it shattered our family.

So many of you know that feeling after you lose a loved one, where you feel like you can’t get off the floor. What helped me, and what helped Joe, was to find purpose. That’s what keeps Joe going, serving you and the country we love.

Joe is 81, that’s true, but he’s 81 doing more in an hour than most people do in a day. Joe has wisdom, empathy and vision. He has delivered on so many of his promises as President precisely because he’s learned a lot in those 81 years. His age, with his experience and expertise, is an incredible asset and he proves it every day.

What really sticks out about this pitch is that there isn’t a denial of anything in the report. It doesn’t dispute that Joe couldn’t remember when he was vice president or when his son died. In fact, it almost reads like an excuse letter by reiterating the debilitating loss of a loved one, and then by insisting that he does “more an hour than most people do in a day,” as if to suggest that we need to give him some slack because he works so hard. Now, I wouldn’t doubt that Biden takes more vacations in a year than most Americans do in a lifetime, but that’s not the same thing.

We know this because we see it.

We see Biden has the schedule of someone who is taking it easy, and is staying out of sight as much as he can get away with. But, not once in the pitch does Jill even attempt to dispute the report by saying Joe Biden is sharp or has a great memory. If she did, there’d be no reason not to charge him.

Only People As Senile As Joe Biden Is Can’t See How Senile Joe Biden Is

You’d have to be as senile as Joe Biden is not to realize just how senile Joe Biden is. The man can’t remember which world leaders are alive and which are dead. His staff could put JFK on his calendar, and he’d get excited and dressed up. When the report came out this week calling him an “elderly man with a poor memory,” there was shock on the left, then about 20 minutes of honest analysis about the implications of that. Then it shifted. The outrage moved to the fact that anyone would dare report such a thing and that the Attorney General would allow it to be written in an official report. What no one did was deny it.

A few commentators tried to downplay it, but no one in the media insisted the President was even as sharp as a butter knife. They couldn’t; we have eyes. (Apologies to blind people, but how blind could you be if you’re reading this?)

The man is not well; if he had any family members who loved him more than they love their proximity to power and the attention and opportunities that afford them, they wouldn’t put him through this. But Joe has been a short-tempered, entitled jackass his entire life. People like to surround themselves with similar people, if only because decent people avoid them like the plague. And when it comes to family, the apple doesn’t rot far from the tree.

Jill, Hunter, his brother James, and all the random Bidens with LLCs in their names who, since they do literally nothing to earn the money that randomly shows up in their accounts from overseas, have to at least be in on the grift by omission. If any of them cared, wouldn’t they stop this humiliation? I can think of a couple of people I really disliked in high school who I wouldn’t mind seeing shuffling, confused off a stage, or looking confused as to whether or not they simply passed gas or some post-digested food while being asked a basic question. Still, I don’t let those thoughts go very far because, even with them, I’d feel too bad to enjoy it. I’d like to help. I wouldn’t, but I’d at least consider it for a few minutes.

Joe has no one who dislikes him only slightly, who feels bad enough for him to put that aside and have “the talk” he needs to have, probably a number of times.

Instead, he must get a steady stream of reassurance. That it works is another sign of just how far gone he is.

By the way, have you noticed how no MSNBC host has called for the release of the video of his discussion with the special prosecutor? Just like the release of Biden’s bank records would clear up so much about where his money came from or whether or not he’d actually “loaned” his son and brother a bunch of money they curiously “repaid” with about 10 percent (for the big guy) of what they received from foreign governments, the release of this video, or even just the audio or transcript, would demonstrate the mental capacity of Joe Biden as it exists today.

That’s what terrifies Democrats.

Rather than even risk the naked truth being shown, they adopted the Clinton defense.

So much of what the Democrats do in the face of corruption is what they learned from Bill and Hillary. With Bill, it was denied for as long as possible; then, once they broke out the black light and saw he’d definitely been there, they declared it to be an old story and insisted everyone had already moved on. With Hillary, it was a lie for as long as possible, then when the truth comes out, act indignantly about someone telling the truth because that’s not what they’re supposed to do.

James Comey laid out one hell of a damning case against Hillary’s abuse and mishandling of classified material, then announced he’d decided she will be allowed to get away with it. The outrage wasn’t over Clinton’s lies or illegal, reckless actions, it was over how Comey wasn’t supposed to point out all of her corrupt actions, just say she’d done nothing wrong and walk away.

Comey became the story, not the lawbreaking. He’s spent every day since trying to suck up to the left over it.

The left tried to make Special Counsel Robert Hur the issue. Democrats were mad that he actually laid out the case he uncovered about how a US Senator managed to remove classified material from skiff (sic) [SCIF], which is highly illegal and would send everyone reading this (even the blind people) to prison for a long time, and how a Vice President took classified material home even though he had zero authority to do it. And he never returned any of it, just let it flop around his various offices and garage, all of which were easily accessible to his junkie son who just so happened to be “doing business” in the countries those US intelligence documents were about.

It’s just the damnedest coincidence, isn’t it?

Democrats would much rather make a stupid argument about “How dare he?” then discuss why the White House has to have Biden enter and exit Air Force One from the kiddie door rather than add a senior assist chairlift on the adult stairs.

They know Joe isn’t up to the job, they’re just terrified it will become so obvious that even the people who don’t pay attention to the news will see it. That’s it; that’s what they’re scrambling to hide. That is what Hur’s report showed. And that’s why he will be the target of left-wing vitriol from now through November.

Robert Mueller, or more accurately the people who propped him up (he might make Biden look spry and alive by comparison), did to Donald Trump exactly what Robert Hur did to Joe Biden – lay out what their investigation found and explained why they didn’t pursue criminal charges. They were cool with it when Mueller’s team did it, even praising him, but with Hur, it’s somehow an outrage. Of course, the only difference between Biden and Trump is Trump didn’t commit any crimes; the Russia hoax was a lie. Biden actually did steal classified material and disseminate it.

Whatever, they don’t care. The only thing that matters to the left is the party to which someone belongs; everything else is foreplay. Unfortunately, in the end, we’re all the ones who are getting screwed. And Joe Biden is blissfully unaware of any of it.

Special Counsel Finds Biden Is Too Old to Be Charged in Classified Docs Scandal

“Your Honor, my client was clearly too drunk to have made it anywhere near I-25 from that maze of one-way streets in downtown Denver, and cannot be held accountable for how he or his car might have been found trying to enter the highway from the off-ramp.” —The World’s Best Defense Attorney back in my younger days

Some legal defense moves are so unscrupulous that it would take a high-caliber lawyer to think of them and a true scoundrel to implement them. I’m looking at you, Johnnie Cochran, in your $4,000 suits, with a combination of awe and horror.

But that’s just trial law. Where things get really very quite seriously unsettling is the even twistier world of special counsels, where Washington agrees to investigate Washington insiders using Washington insiders who pinky swear that everything will be on the up-and-up and that the truth will be brought to light and justice will be served — no matter which Washington insiders might be punished or suffer public shaming as a result.

Then the Washington insiders all pour one another stiff portions of 21-year-old single-malt scotch and have a good laugh at our (literal) expense.

The latest example of just that comes from the Department of Justice™ headed up by Biden administration crony Merrick Garland.

ASIDE: I swear this actually just happened. When I started to type “Department of Justice,” a moment ago, I quickly corrected myself after typing “Derpartment.” I wish I’d let it stand with a [sic] at the end.

As you’re probably aware, the Biden administration was doing one of those pinky-swear investigations of itself because of that time Biden accidentally left boxes and boxes of classified doc in his garage with his Corvette. At first, Biden was prompted to tell people that his garage is a secure location because, unlike the Trump compound on many well-guarded acres at Mar-a-Lago, Biden’s garage door has one of those twisty lock handles on it.

That garage is practically a SCIF, they claimed.

That excuse held about as much water as my wife when she was 40 months pregnant and had to pee from just looking at a faucet, so Garland appointed pinky-swear special counsel Robert K. Hur to look into whether he should find some special excuse for Biden’s mishandling of classified documents immediately or if it would be better to draw it out longer so they’d have a chance to truly savor that bottle of Glenfarclas.

That was in August. Today, we have the Mother of All Justifications — and it has me laughing harder than it has Biden’s reelection campaign team breaking out in hives. Here it is from Hur’s findings:

We have also considered that, at trial, Mr. Biden would likely present himself to a jury, as he did during our interview of him, as a sympathetic, well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory. Based on our direct interactions with and observations of him, he is someone for whom many jurors will want to identify reasonable doubt. It would be difficult to convince a jury that they should convict him—by then a former president well into his eighties—of a serious felony that requires a mental state of willfulness.

Never mind the weasel language about how Biden would present himself to a jury because an “elderly man with a poor memory” is how he presents himself to members of the press, gathered audiences, and various deceased foreign dignitaries from countries he gets mixed up sometimes.

Remember those reports from a month or three ago that Biden was getting all upset about the public perception that he’s too old and feeble for the job? Yeah, his own DOJ just used that as the reason Biden can’t be held accountable for storing classified documents next to the case of 40 Weight Motor Oil and expired boxes of Fix-O-Dent.

But don’t you worry. I don’t think anyone in Beijing or Russia or Tehran pays much attention to what goes on in the Biden White House. So you can rest assured, Jack, that when the fella from that place, you know the one, tries to threaten Corn Hole with the asufutimaehaehfutbw that old Joe Biden is gonna make sure they feel the trunalimunumaprzure like the what was I saying?

And you can take that to the bank and smoke it.